Evening

The yellow light illuminates
black marble countertop.

Outside my bedroom window,
the city skyline,

and sometimes,

even

the train,

snaking through

Manila.

The neighbor cooked fish again.

For breakfast,
lunch and dinner,

the putrid smell of
oil sizzling on the frying pan
would waft into the apartment,
leaving its scent

in my hair and on my clothes.

A dog is barking in the nightime.

Yapping
at the steady whirr of jeepneys and buses
that zoom through streets.

Air

Air
Goes up like sand
Eyes shut, I claw away the soft grains
Each gasp takes in more
But it’s my instinct
Either way,
I go down

Air
Slips away
In a tiny box
Fist on wood
Warm blood
But I don’t feel the pain
It’s not going to work

Air
The fish can breath
In the salty sea
Choking on the tears of nature
I should swim upwards
My body floats to the surface
Though I demand it to stay put

Avoiding Alice

Running, runnin’
Gotta get that flow
Jump off the roundabout
that spins, spins, spins
til I’m feeling so oh-alone
Got nowhere to go
but back down the rabbit hole
Where Alice
lurks in the shadows
She’s not my friend

The cat’s got my back
And the Mushroom eater too

I don’t care anymore

My mouth too dirty
My heart too dry

Peter Pan left a long time ago
Left me for them liquid promises
that robbed us all
Left me for a Neverland
beyond my port of call

Bitte? (Please?)

Bitte?
waiting
shutting door
turning lock
footsteps
secret light
attached I am
addicted I am
Random moments
of
soul exchange
mercurial is your right
Bitte...
I wait
to pretend
that this is pretend
slither beside you
wrapped limbs
Bitte!
Created a fortress
I know
my shadows
but that is no excuse
for your shadows
fatigued
from losing faith
yet, I still skipped home
bitte.
To
hope
that you would take advantage
of my open wounds.
Bitte, bitte, bitte...
I wonder
when
it is my door that shuts
and the key clicks
you
think the same
like-minded fools
I hope
or is it fast relief?
my fears run deep
like the cold waters
you dip your legs in
to find your prize
beneath the Norway sky
that has captured your fancy
Please...bitte bitte bitte
remove
shatter
the distance
between the hall
that creaks
beneath your footsteps
I would leap the distance
to hide beneath your sheets
Oh Bitte!
to fall into your world
bitte
fall into mine
Bitte! Bitte! Bitte!
to find another world
where
breakfast is on the kitchen table
talks of Focault, Kant, and Picasso
midnight hours
are few and far between
Bitte?
Morning light
at 3 a.m.
existence
alone
means two
Return to the night
Bitte...bitte...bitte

Berlin, Berlin

Berlin
Bearlin
Berlin
How you've captured me
in your claws
your red sky
Has welcomed me
pock-marked arms
Or am I just a poor orphan
to your many lost
children?
What must I do
to fall
into your line of grace?
Tongues wagging
I fell into you
wandering through
on a happy May day
changing views
of the same station
ever changing worlds
seemed all the same
'til I came to you
you promised
a new dawn
or was I mistaken?

Questions

Who do you miss?
What makes you sad?
Do you walk with your head towards the sky
or bowed down
to the ground?
What do you think about before you slip into sleep?
Why are you here?
Do you remember the day I went away?
What did the dandelion clock taste like,
as they invaded your lips?
Why are you here?
What are your thoughts on tiny tangerines?
Do you think we'll be lovers?
Do you sleep with your socks on?
What do you like about snow?
Do you ever think about your first kiss?
Was it under an apple tree
Or hidden behind the shelves in a German library?
Have you come out unscathed?
Do you flit happily or drag your feet?
Could I be your Mrs. Robinson?
Why Korea?
Why did you laugh?
Should I have kissed you?
As people sipped their wines
grassy meadow
tickling our bare legs
What dont you know?
Will you kiss me?
Will you make me coffee in the morning,
or is tea more your thing?
Do I confuse you?
Will you frustrate me?
I think you will.
Can we go back to the silent graves
and disappear between the shadows and moonlight?
Will you talk to me as you sleep?
Can I conquer you,
as you have claimed victory over me?
What train line do you take?
Who are you?
What do you remember?
Will you remember?
What were you thinking as our trains
sped away
on their separate directions?
Are we trains?
chugging along
twisting and turning
direction unknown

                                      Will you remember the first of May...in May?

Saturday

Your face is a stage
with two-chocolate hued actors
dancing the dance
of weariness and indifference
hidden in their movements
mischief and youth

I saw you glance my way
once, maybe twice
my invisible shield thwarted
it was an accident
a brief moment
of awe
left me shaking
silenced
at the discovery

I have been apprehended

YOU
the lance
that found its way
to the joints
of the armor of my dispassion

A recognition
my anemic voice could never utter
a pride
that would not allow me to speak

A second
that raptured for hours
days
months
in dreams
invading all

I see you
yet never saw you
you were never considered

a split second
I concealed
a clendestine affair
with only one in attendance

Saturday
that afternoon felt fixed
chatter invaded my solemn sovereignity
a turn of the head

grabbed me by the shoulders
and slapped me to the ground
a quick breath
that never exhaled

You stood
at peace
looking down upon a stack of books
arranging, organizing
neglected mahogany
fallen forward

your coat fell
what was left
was a boy
playing with his new toys
arranging, organizing

I could never consider you

Half-Moon Sky

Half-moon sky
Footsteps on lonely heart
I filled myself
longing to share with you
open window
cigarette smoke
talking
longing
longing

knock
whisper
yes, please come in
I have waited so long
long
longing
this bed
is yours
that I have taken
this bed
that I lay in wait
Have I hesitated?
Missed my cue?
Run too far?
Scared you away?
Now
we scuttle in the dark
like long-legged
spiders
callused
6-legged
misunderstood
night
falls short
and daylight
feels to long
I keep buzzing
so you will think high of me
Yet, I doubt you've
seen
me
at all
Sliding door
one month
feels
like a moment
To trek
from this dark
side
of the moon
Hidden by the shadow
of the night side
your ayla
shines bright
unreachable
it seems
for this foreign Ich
Open window
July breeze
whisky and wine
rolled cigarettes
Half-moon sky
How do I get to you?

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